Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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