Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
