I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
