Just cropdusted the office
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
