Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
is that a dick in a sweater?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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