Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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