I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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