but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
