My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
