I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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