I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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