i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
