I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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