My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
