It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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