am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
