i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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