There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
