So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We need a shit load of segways right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
