So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
