if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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