I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize