I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
