i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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