yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
