I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
