i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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