i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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