Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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