he shaved USA in his pubs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
