Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
