my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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