I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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