I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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