I met the friendliest cop last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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