haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
