I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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