i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
