new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
