Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
