you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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