I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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