where does the pee come out of this thing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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