Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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