I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
