lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize