I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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