he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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