i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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