Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
