She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
