Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
