Non-Jews are for practice
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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