do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're making bets on your personal life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
