My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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