Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
