How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
