We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
