I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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