Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
