last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
