He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
