ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
