I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
