All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She even gives head with a lisp.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
