fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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