im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
