she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
