Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
