He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
