Jerry, you need to find god
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
