My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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