There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
