if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
