I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
