Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
