you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
