I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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